Well, I’ve read it.

But I don’t want to spoil it for those of you who have not, so I put it under a cut:

I have to talk to somebody about this, since nobody i know has read it (yet), and I was so utterly flabbergasted by it.

Okay, so here goes.

I sort of enjoyed the book. Allow me to elaborate. I enjoyed the beginning, with the wedding and all that, and then the end, when Bella stands off against the Volturi, but there was a whole steaming pile of something in the middle that completely and utterly both (a) jumped the shark and (b) sucked.

I realize that you write what you know, and that Stephenie Meyer knows being a mom, but seriously – a child? Named Renesmee, of all things? On whom Jacob imprints? Oy. She’d have done better just to cut out that whole eventuality completely. I’m tempted to slice the book up with an x-acto and piece together the parts that actually make sense. And she does do the whole Mary Sue thing at the end, wherein Bella is TEH MOST POWERFUL VAMPIRE EVAR, yaddah yaddah, saves the day, etc., but I can stomach that much more than I can the whole Renesmee thing. Ugh. And also, none of the characters behave like themselves, and the vampire Bella bit might asĀ  well have happened in a completely different book, because again, nobody acts the way they should. Bella is not even really herself anymore, as if being a vampire brings you poise and self-confidence along with the rest.

There’s a fanfic writer I’ve been following, and she’s done a much better job of the story. In her version, Jacob imprints on Tanya and then a crazed samurai tells the Volturi about the Cullens and that’s why Aro brings them all to Forks. That version is so much more awesome, and doesn’t involve some crappy daughter thing, nor does it involve other weird vampire-human offspring and a group of werewolves in Europe who can’t go out in daylight.

I will most likely read more fanfiction, just to get the icky aftertaste of the actual novel out of my brain. And then I will continue to write MY novel, because I have control over that.

Seriously, S. Meyer. Seriously.

I’m off to read more disgruntled blog posts.

About HappyGoth

By day, I'm a graphic designer. By night, I'm a knitter. I'm doing my part to keep Hotlanta stylish. I imagine that if you don't already understand the title of the blog, you're probably confused and perhaps slightly annoyed, but never fear - I do have a reason (and it's a good one). Having gone to hear Stephanie Pearl McPhee, and then having been inspired to blog about knitting, I found myself wondering what to call the blog. I recalled a conversation I had with Mouse and the Chicken Goddess about why it is a Bad Idea to anger knitters - this conversation was following SPM, aka the Yarn Harlot telling the assembled throng about Those Who Do Not Understand Knitting and Therefore Belittle It Much to the Chagrin of Others, or TWDNUKTBMCO, which is not the acronym she used but is the one I'm using because I forgot hers - that is, we are numerous and we all have very pointy sticks, easily transforming into an angry mob. Therefore, knitters = angry mob.
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1 Response to Well, I’ve read it.

  1. Melanie says:

    Um, totally agreed. I put it down for a few days because I was just so. irritated., but I’ve decided to actually finish just to be done with it. I’m liking the end far better than the middle too. YUCK.

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